A Pizza the Size of a Desk, and Other Restaurant Rivalry Stories

This past monday was a holiday for us here in the US, so instead of your regular episode of Waypoint Radio, we recorded a special bonus episode! Join us as we read listener emails about bad corporate speak, restaurant rivalries, and pizzas the size and weight of a large dog. You can listen to the full episode and read an excerpt below.

This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/jgx99y/a-pizza-the-size-of-a-desk-and-other-restaurant-rivalry-stories-waypoint-radio
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Someone please add “Rob’s Clippy Voice” to the list of best Waypoint segments.


It’s not exactly a “rivalry,” per se, but I do feel like I should write in to spread the gospel of the “fatbag.”

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I want more content about weird philosophical spam emails.

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The kebab pizza is pretty common throughout Europe, not endemic to Sweden. I know like half a dozen of those middle eastern pseudo-Italians within a 2km radius here in Germany and I bet there’s a multiple of that that I have never seen in that same radius.

How was the header image for this podcast not the old game Pizza Connection, about pizza places with mafia connections fighting each other?


I’ve never had a kebab pizza, personally, and I’m feeling deprived. I would not, however, want one that is a meter wide.

How do you even cut a meter wide pizza? Assuming it’s circular, cutting it normally still leaves you with half a meter long slices.

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Cut out a circle in the middle, slice that one up like a normal pizza. Then with the large O, cut zig-zags all around. You should end up with like 30 regular-sized triangular-ish pieces.


[Benoit Blanc’s entire “a donut hole in the donut’s hole” monologue but the metaphor is instead meter wide kebab pizza]


There was an (Scottish) independence supporting bar in my city that’s since shut which did metre long pizzas. Dunno if it had any relation to Scottish independence though.

Somewhere in the esoterica of her majesty’s domain, a dead lord has a body of rules set down, enforceable, and named after himself, concerning all pizza crafted in the commonwealth.

Edit: And it’s not enough that this lord is white. Oh no, his great grandfather married an Italian woman (northern Italy, of course) and he made sure this was known as justification for his authority on pizza.


A kebab pizza isn’t so weird when you find a chinese takeaway that has a menu of chinese dishes, and then a pizza menu where you can get any of the aforementioned chinese dishes on a pizza.

As a South London lifer, I was pleased to hear the Morley’s* Chicken mythology and the reception it got on the pod (*such is the proliferation of imitators I had to double check that spelling). I don’t know if Elliot included it in their email, but I think the real chain’s wonderfully allusive slogan (which accounts for the “Triple M” variants) is a vital detail in itself:

“MMM…It Tastes Better”



I can’t tell if this is a real Morley’s. The colours are inverted, but otherwise looks authentic. It’s like 100 meters from what appears to also be an authentic Morley’s.

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That Morley’s got a fire flower! All-Spicy variant. I’ve never seen that colour scheme, but it does look real - and there are definitely other authentic pairs in that kind of proximity (that’s franchises for you). I vote real.

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