April 2nd post your best jokes cowards

give me a knock knock i dont gaf

just tell me your best joke


Shrek walks into a bar with a giraffe
they both get pretty drunk and the giraffe passes out
shrek gets up to leave and the barman says
“hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there”



i can post my own tweets and nobody can stop me


A few nuns opened up a store that sold goods for dying hair. The problem was, the only dye they had was blonde. What was the name of the store?

Sister’s Golden Hair Supplies.


A skeleton enters the doctor’s office. The doctor, exasperated: “now you show up?”

oh god this is dreadful


Q: Why was the stegasaurus wearing a pink sweater?
A: They accidentally put a red sock in their load of whites!

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Q: Why haven’t they invented a belt with a clock for the buckle?

A: Because it’s a waist of time.

Ban me please, I deserve it.

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Q: Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?

A: Thousands of souls were lost

Kick it!

Also does this work?

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Why don’t pirates like mountain roads?



Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?
He was outstanding in the field.

A muffin and a loaf of bread are baking next to each other in the oven. The muffin looks over at the bread and says “Sure is hot in here isn’t it?” The bread looks over and says “Holy shit, a talking muffin!”

Q: why couldnt the jogger run behind the car?

A: when he tried, he got exhausted

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Q: why was 6 afraid of 7
A: because 7 ate God


Q: Why couldn’t the jogger run in front of the car?

A: when he tried, he got tire-d


must’ve had second thoughts. If only we could all be so brave…


I just thought one-liners went against the classic setup-punchline spirit of the thread, but it was just

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Being from south Louisiana, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux jokes are my mainstay. Read the speaking parts in your best cajun accent.

One day Thibodeaux is driving to the bayou with his pirogue for a weekend fishing trip. When he passes by his lifelong friend Boudreaux’s house he notices that Boudreaux is just standing out on his front lawn doing nothing. Thibodeaux waves at him, Boudreaux waves back, and he thinks nothing of it.

The weekend is winding down and Thibodeaux is driving back, the cooler in his truck filled with freshly caught seafood. He passes by Boudreaux’s house to find him still standing out on his front lawn, doing nothing. Thibodeaux is starting to get concerned.

A week passes and Thibodeaux is coming home from work. He walks through the screen door and he sees Marie (Boudreaux’s wife) sobbing into the arms of Clotile (Thibodeaux’s wife). “Mais la! I been yellin’ at 'im to come inside but he just won’t listen, no”, Marie says between sobs. Clotile and Thibodeaux share concerned a concerned glance, Marie and Boudreaux are childhood sweethearts, whatever has driven this wedge between them is dire indeed.

Thibodeaux drives over to Boudreaux’s house and, to his chagrin, finds him standing in the same spot in his front yard. Thibodeaux gets out of his car and walks over to Boudreaux.

Thibodeaux pleads with Boudreaux. “Cher, I seen you out 'ere every damn day I come by. Mais! You even got Marie over my way in tears over you. What happened das gotchu outta da house 'n in yo front yard!?”

Boudreaux, calmly, looks up at Thibodeaux. “I’m gon’ get me one’a’dem nobel prize, yeah. Dey give it to you when you out standin’ in yo field.”


What’s Medusa’s favorite type of cheese?


… Knock knock.

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory last week?

They’re still picking up da brie!