I love cooking, I love my girlfriend, and I love hanging out with someone else at home a ton, but the moment I’m alone I use it as an opportunity to self-destruct. It’s my cue to smoke a ton of pot, order a large pizza (or hit that drive-thru at Taco Bell) and overeat, then sprawl out to play whatever game I don’t find visually interesting enough for someone else to watch, or watch a movie I know would be to arthousey (I wouldn’t watch Antichrist or Oldboy with friends…) to unwind on a good night in with my partner.
Being home alone is the signal for me to get comfortable with myself. It’s almost as if I’ve been playing charades this entire time in front of everyone and anyone, and my mind is waiting for that perfect moment to implode into oblivion out of public view.
I always end my unhealthy night of gaming until 4AM with a morning of drinking a ton of water and cleaning the entire house. Maybe I’ll avoid screens for the bulk of the day, too. But it’s a weird pattern I go through.