J. Jonah Jameson here, and I’ve got a scoop for you. It seems that the MENACE Spider-Man has been particularly active in HARASSING the fine people of New York lately. Take a look at this EXCLUSIVE photo I’ve procured from CONFIDENTIAL sources:
Look at the ANGLE! It’s clear that the Spider has BRAINWASHED our fine air paramedic FIRST RESPONDERS to take the picture to STROKE his massive EGO! This cannot stand! We must track the masked menace’s movements. So I ask you, fellow citizens, get me pictures of Spider-Man!!!
Thank you citizen! It appears the GLORY BOY is moonlighting as a wrestler! I highly doubt he could stand up to the PEOPLE’S CHAMP, Bonesaw! 3 minutes in the cage will result in one SQUISHED Spider!
Artist’s rendering. FAKE NEWS!!!
It appears that the Wallcrawler’s SPIDER EGGS are beginning to hatch! Stay away citizens, lest an errant bite converts you into a ZOMBIE who calls in to defend Spider-Man’s actions!
Typical! LEWD and LASCIVIOUS behavior on our city streets! Is the Webhead recruiting for an insect-based SEX CULT? Evidence says MAYBE!
Hey Jonah, long time listener, first time caller and I just wanna say that I’d eat that booty like groceries.
@trty0: This must be that “trolling” thing the kids are doing that’s days. Well, cowardly hooligan, just know that J. Jonah Jameson is still working to protect UNGRATEFUL DEGENERATES like you from the Spider-Menace, no matter how many groceries or booties you eat.
@Hartnote: I knew it! The Spider suit leaves NOTHING to the imagination. Spider-Man is an EXHIBITIONIST and PORNOGRAPHER, case closed!
extremely powerful stance
DEVIL WORSHIP?! Is there no level of DEPRAVITY that this so-called “hero” won’t sink to?
Pepsi Man reboot’s looking slick as hell
i witnessed this demon performing its dark acrobatics in defiance of god’s will. its endless, chilling, wailing screams will haunt me to my grave …
AND LOOK AT THIS ONE, LOOK HOW STYLIN’ HE IS! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS DRESSING THIS GOOD?! DOES HE THINK HE’S BETTER THAN US?!
DESIGNER FASHION?! Who is paying this menace? FOLLOW THE MONEY!