I’ll be honest. I don’t have a well-formed opinion about this article. I would need to think about it more. Instead, I want to spend a moment responding to this specific post. And I’m going to do so because I am legitimately upset and hurt, and I would feel sick to my stomach if I didn’t respond to this post. I will do my best to not be attacking you, but I need people to understand this comes from a very bad place.
Throughout this post, you talk a lot about not really knowing much about trans culture or trans communities. May I kindly suggest that if you don’t know anything about a group of marginalized people, you should never weigh in with your opinions about how they best be represented. I refuse to imagine some hypothetical scenario where it is okay to deadname me. I don’t care how you bend over backward to justify it. Fuck. That.
I could explain to you my daily experiences with deadnaming and the myriad ways they’ve hurt me. I could explain how I don’t want to explore that in fiction. But here’s the core of the matter: if you don’t know about trans experiences and freely admit that you don’t know about trans experiences, then you should not be constructing some hypothetical game where it’s okay to hurt trans people. Follow trans people on twitter. Listen to podcasts by trans people. Read books by trans people. Listen to our experiences and our lives. Don’t you ever try to explain why it is sometimes okay to hurt us in ways you won’t ever understand.
Too often, people want to opine about the lives of marginalized people when they don’t know anything about them. I’m sick of it. If you genuinely care about the lives and experiences of trans people, don’t try to tell us why it’s sometimes maybe okay to deadname. Instead, listen to trans people talk about their feelings, try to understand as best you can, and also accept that unless you are trans and live our experiences, you shouldn’t have opinions on things like this. Especially such ill-considered and hurtful ones.