I'm a Ghost, AMA


Why can’t you look Mario in the eye? Seems pretty shifty to me.


Dear @video_gh0st,

I’m the nouveau-riche big-city developer type who bought the old crumbling Fallows mansion up on Gray Hill, ignoring the warnings of the rustically wise townspeople. Here’s the thing: No ghosts? Everybody’s been telling me this mansion is haunted as all hell and yet: No ghosts?? Can I hire a ghost or ghost-service to haunt my mansion? If so, what questions should I ask in the interview?


Lot of questions. Got a bit of a break from Mark’s Thanksgiving party, so let’s answer them.

Aren’t we all haunted in some way?

Listen, when Nintendo released super hi rez Mario with individual mustache hair, even I couldn’t look at him. Nintendo is probably going to give him individually rendered pores in the next game.

So there’s some things that need to happen first. The National Haunt Workers Association would need to fully inspect the house. Just to see how many ghosts can occupy it, if there’s a breakroom, a planning area, what kind of scares we could do to get an idea of what kind of team we would assign. As far as interviews go, we usually don’t interview the person.

Honestly it’s usually the other way around, nouveau-riche types that want the ghosts out. And those are the most fun to do. But yeah, I guess if you want to haunt this house up and bring those stories to life, we could do that. I’ll run it by Mark after Thanksgiving is over.


If video killed the radio star where are their ghosts?


I just got told that Elvis Costello is still alive and I think I got him mixed up with another musician. Like he’s still on tour and has some upcoming shows.


Yeah he’s still alive, just wondering what he’s up to


Does haunting accurately portray ghosts?


do u get to choose how you look when ur a ghost? cuz if i can’t be a fuckin like… rad looking punk dude w/o having to drop $200+ on a leather jacket, i may as well just stay alive.


Just watched an LP of this game. I mean, I guess it’s a pretty reductive look at what we do. There’s definitely more planning and it’s not like we just leap into something and jump out and be like “OK that’s ready to go.”

There’s a lot more to it.

So good news, you can totally look like a punk dude. Bad news, you’re gonna have to find that leather jacket yourself. But don’t worry, if you ask around, I’m sure someone hangs out in like an abandoned mall or a warehouse. Also, have you considered haunting a rich person, like big time city developer @futureperf, until they buy you one?


Who are the ghosts we should avoid? Is it “Dustin” or “Greg”?


Dustin is cool. I would hang out with them. Greg on the other hand is so frustrating.

Greg is just like one of those ghosts who complains about “new age haunting” destroying the field, yet his success rate on haunts is abyssal. Never listens to feedback, always yells at new trainees, and always argues with everyone. His methods are super outdated.

For example, he thought doing a haunted doll would be the best way to scare a newly wed couple out of their new home. Which, honestly, is kind of a dick move. The thing is that, Greg never listened to My Brother, My Brother, and Me. When this couple discovered the doll, they got like, really excited and tried to mail him off to Justin McElroy. Then after a long discussion, tried to sell Greg on Ebay. And despite Greg’s many attempts to scare them, that just got the couple even more excited. I literally had to get into a bid war just to get Greg back.

Didn’t want to, but Mark was all like “it’s the right thing to do.”


Hi, real interesting answers here, very illuminating. Your haunted doll discussion made me curious, are most of the haunted dolls you see on eBay these days or on the acclaimed podcast MBMBaM real haunted dolls or fakes? Is a ghost like Greg stuck in that doll? Can Greg get out?


what are the most popular ghost getaways?


As much as I wish he could get stuck, no. Greg was able to get out of the doll. The moment he got out he went on a rant and yelled at me about how I shouldn’t have butt in and yada yada yada. Dude, I just saved you from getting shipped to Minnesota. Ugh, fuck Greg.

But to get back to your question, There are definitely some dolls that are haunted and some that are on Ebay. As for the McElroy’s, I’ve recognized several of the dolls that Justin has found. Like, I don’t know what it is, but Justin is just has a knack for finding genuine haunted dolls.

Some ghosts just find haunting a single object, like a doll, appealing. Some have said they enjoy the travel aspect of it, especially since folks are buying, selling, and trading dolls online. And yeah, they can leave whenever they feel like it.

So for most ghosts, we just find an unoccupied hotel room and set up shop when we want to go on vacation. I mean, it’s not like anyone’s using it right? Don’t have to pay, if the humans don’t see you.

Now in some cases, ghosts want to hang out with other ghosts on vacation. There’s a couple of good haunted hotels that we like to go to. The Stanley Hotel in Colorado is a popular destination. Lots of ghost hang out there, sometimes we put on a show. Move some stuff around, unpack someone’s bags, flicker some lights, but nothing super mean or assault. We like the hotel and the staff seems to not mind the place being haunted 24/7.


When a Highlander loses their head does their ghost fly out as part of The Quickening process? Where does it go? Into the body of the victorious swordsman? Are they still a ghost at that point or is the reason there can be only one because they are actually legion?


It has been likened to a sacrament, though absorbing power and knowledge might as well be a soul.


I honestly don’t know where to begin with this question as I have not seen an episode of highlander or any of the movies. I vaguely remember a movie that took place during the future, but that’s it.

I mean, do highlanders eat the ghosts of their enemies? Because that sounds terrifying.

quick edit cause it just popped in my head:
Are highlanders basically just Pac-Mans with swords?


How long have you been undead if 1985 is the future?


Ok ok ok uhhhh - What kind of pets do ghosts have? Are there dog ghosts? Cat ghosts?


We sometimes take care of stray cats and dogs that wander in our territory. We just leave some food out and maybe set up a place where they can sleep. We don’t keep them, but they come back. I guess that’s like pets. And yeah, there are totally ghost dogs/cats, but I prefer taking care of strays.