Yeah, I… feel like I have a hard time sitting here and saying “Nah, Freud was wrong as hell,” as much as that tends to be my baseline reaction to… Freud.
As, someone who is very… non binary in how I feel about myself, and who has almost no romantic/sexual aspirations, I feel most comfortable not touching this whole thread with a 9 foot pole.
Time to revel in all that is an alias which isn’t even my usual alias online, as impersonal as it gets.
I was born, and raised male. I’ve had a very… negative relationship with my body. I have a very negative relationship with my gender, both internally, and to a lesser extent externally, in terms of making friends/bonding. I was the only “male” (certainly in expression at the time) in my peer groups all through middle school, high school, etc. For the most part, I was just one of the girls, who, nobody else really saw that way. Prior to that, I was lucky enough to be in an environment where playing with dolls with female friends/children wasn’t questioned. (In the same way, I’m grateful, my complete absorption into games wasn’t questioned.)
I don’t know what that background really helps with, aside from context, and serving as an invitation to ask more specifics if anyone has need for some. But I’ve always been… more or less asexual? To some degree, perhaps an extension of gender dysphoria, (which is apparently not a word according to the forum software?) and I think to large extent, just not something I’m not interested in? BUT, I’ve almost only ever experienced finding women attractive. (But not exclusively, there are/have been men I can step back and go “damn.” So, I “got away” with passing as just another straight male dude for the most part. Challenged only when I spent time with a male friend fairly often, and NEVER having a girlfriend. (Which, actually led to a very odd take on a beard… non-relationship, but very intentional public rejection at a homecoming game?) But… I guess…
My point in saying all of this, I suppose being that, I don’t have an experience of exclusive sexuality. Ranging from “no” to “ladies” as someone who, by all external appearances, that means straight, (but who also like… Have you seen the Hemsworths or David Tennant?) but internally feels like I’d give any and all worldly belongings and power to- leaving track again. Those fields of attraction would likely contribute to, a personal understanding of bisexuality, which is where I become argumentative, or enter the “debate” of this thread, while externally, those would also put me into bisexual territory. Conveniently on a similar like “4-5 percent interested in women, 0.1 percent interested in men” sort of range.
Fuck. what am I posting about? I guess all I can/am really aiming to say is, I agree with two aspects of the discussion so far very strongly. The first is that, as someone who is somewhere on the spectrum of bisexual, even if just slightly, or with specific instances of interest in the gender I’m not generally interested in, with an overarching disinterest in sexual interest, I find myself in the camp Freud describes. It isn’t a binary. Nothing. Ever. Is. Ever. Fucking. Ever. Nothing. Just not a thing biology does.
But also - I think there’s value in… terminology. If people who identify as bisexual feel like people suggesting everyone is bisexual is in any way harmful to the understanding of their identity, there’s value which should not be trampled in that.
I think in a perfect world, we just wouldn’t. Straight wouldn’t be a thing. Gay wouldn’t be a thing. Bi wouldn’t be a thing. Trans wouldn’t be a thing. Cis wouldn’t be a thing. We just, fucking, wouldn’t. The creation of sub-groups and divisions within humanity has almost exclusively done harm. (The “almost” being that, organization, and art, and resistance, etc. to bigotry and hate is amazing, and inspiring, and feeds hope for a better tomorrow.) BUT - the baseline othering, and bigotry, and disgust with which people being themselves is met, is fueled so massively by these definitions, categories, and the potential for othering, and bigotry, and hate it opens society up for.
But we do.
Because we do, I have no interest in saying “Hey, what Freud says lines up to some degree with my experiences!” if ANYBODY says that’s harmful to their identity.
Fuck. This post took… a couple hours, and involved at least some alcohol, and lots of self doubt, and going back, and editing, and redacting, and re-writing, and I’m sure it’s rife with errors more than it’s rife with useful or good takes on the subject matter at hand, but I felt like commenting on a thread, which had a title to which my immediate response was “fuck yeah!” and my post-reading response was “hmm… I… hmm… I dunnno.”
It feels like… Freud might not have been wrong, but we just don’t really exist in a global society in which ignoring, or dismissing individual experiences/expressions/definitions is productive. Maybe someday? Hopefully?