It's my cakeday, what present did you get me?


hi, you said youd get me a present for my first birthday but you never even told me that we were going to the store


For your birthday I got you gamer cred


On my way to the store, I found a quaint, emoji market on the side of the road and bought you a bundle of locally sourced emoji

:pineapple: :bagel: :rice_scene: :desert: :elephant:


i heard you talking about that kentucky-zero-road business with all your friends the other day, so: i got you one last job delivering antiques which will paradoxically tug you deeper into debt as america’s institutions prey on your lonely foibles!

happy cakeday!




I got you some…cake?



You are now old enough for these packs of cigarettes I went to the store for. I also got you some milk because you are still need to grow & make your bones strong.


Got you a book. I found it life-changing, I think you’re gonna love it.


For your cakeday, I got you somewhere to put that new book @trty0 got you



I retch every time I walk into a bookstore and that pile of trash is placed proudly in the “Great Canadian Literature” section. Sink this cursed country into Hudson Bay.


Or. Or.

Put it in the fire barrel.


I live in the pacific northwest, so that’s redundant.

Climate change jokes, I got 'em.


I stopped by the CVS on the way over and got you one of these image




Time for the customary birthday Dark Nation


This was the only batman they had I’m sorry


omg… thanbk u so myuch… i luv this… thjis meansn soo!! much 2 me… teh gratsehset gift… i cnnannot bjeleivei it… thank u…


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