OP, I have to say that I honestly see a lot of conversations like that; I’m sorry you’re not seeing a lot of them in your own personal space, especially if you may need to hear them as a trans or intersex person. (Your post didn’t make it clear, so I’m not making any assumptions.)
I do just want to add that the work of archiving, streamlining, and coherently 101-friendly’ing conversations between (for example) trans and intersex people about gender in games for the consumption of cis and non-intersex audiences is a lot of work, moreso than you might be assuming.
Let’s say that I say I comment publicly on finding fault in appearance sliders where the label is “sex” (or even “gender” sliders that impact physical appearance between two “opposites”), because to me as a trans intersex person I often find those to be a troubling reminder of how intersex bodies are viewed medically by non-intersex people. I don’t like that a slider essentially amounts to “are you busty or are you muscular”.
A friend of mine who’s not intersex but is a nonbinary trans person could counter that they find those appearance sliders personally empowering, particularly if you can adjust them at any time, because for that friend it represents a fluid gender presentation. I say that the game should’ve just included body options with more specific appearance sliders, because I don’t like the sliders; my friend says they like the “sex”/“gender” slider as a point to build their character on and are happy to feel represented.
Who’s right there? Who would you tell the game developer to listen to, and how would the game developer know who to listen to if they’re fully crowdsourcing opinions from people they’re not paying? If they’re just trawling Twitter posts offering our different solutions, are they even going to be equipped to unpack our different relationships to things like those sliders?
To coherently explain that context of our discussion to a cis, non-intersex team of game developers that are totally out of their depth, you’d need… Well, you’d need to explain a lot of things to them. And if we were going to constantly cater our posts to those audiences potentially seeing them, half the Twitter thread would be links to sites like interACT or the Sylvia Rivera Law Project!