Smash Ultimate Political Compass


#1

I spent waaay too long to let this disappear, so I’m coming out of forum absence to gift you the most cursed content. Debate me you fools. x

https://twitter.com/regresssion/status/1081250550702923778 for a sharable version, validate my work with notifications lol


#2

Love this.

Talk to me about Starfox, I want to hear the argument.


#3

so according to the wiki, he basically spent his time in the original before the Big Bad comes along liberating people from enslavement for fun, and that everything fox does is in the space cavalier everyone should be free mould. i haven’t played any of the games lol but part of the fun is reading the wiki for 45 seconds and standing by the take.


#4

I think this mostly checks out!

That said, there is a clear glaring issue with Yoshi placing as authoritarian, he has a clear and documented dislike of the state exemplified by his routine tax fraud


#5

Are you saying that Mr Game-and-Watch doesn’t have any political opinions, or is it that he’s a committed centrist forever triangulating his positions?


#6

see, yoshi is part of the mushroom kingdom proletariat, he knows exactly where his labour is going and he’s on tax strike. this isn’t wario just liking hoarding cash, yoshi is a communist and he wants no part of this monarchy


#7

i think he’s devoid of opinions but i’d be up for hearing arguments otherwise


#8

So you’ve labeled all the Smash kids, how about those racers though?


#9

this is 100% what solidified where peach and daisy are :smile:


#10

Corrin is a monarchist, how is he left leaning libertarian.


#11

the straight up chaotic ‘i can decide the fate of nations in a cute cut scene after 6 levels’. i get he’s a royal, i just think corrin as a character is like masking a world philosophy of utter chaos


#12

I don’t think any of the pokemon or kirby should be on this compass at all, on account of the fact that they’re infants and everyone knows babies don’t know anything about politics. I’m iffy on Snake b/c while he straight up was a member of the military industrial complex, he did later on get gay married to otacon, raise a lovely daughter, and dedicate his life to fighting nuclear proliferation.

will be real here, i’ll take the l on the rest of this b/c i’ve never genuinely understood any of these charts.


#13

okay Pokemon I understand but Kirby is an adult with both will and power.


#14

The video above puts forth that the Mario babies are hypernationalist because they’re in their first stages of moral development. Can we apply this to the Pokemon?


#15

Kirby is more the type of guy who has a political opinion, but will flake when he wants to address it and then just read the room for an opinion that will generate the most conformity. I’d put him right in the fuckin’ middle.


#16

I feel like that’s a no, on account of the fact that, like, they’re animals, and attributing human morality to animals is, like, a veterinary slippery slope.

on the other hand, they’re animals that follow a trainer’s commands, so I feel like if they’re on here, they’re aligned with trainer.


#17

hahaha the snake pick for me is contentious, the snake i’m most familiar with developed an extrajudicial state in the ocean because didn’t trust the government and wanted to be gay married, that sounds like a slightly fash slant on a libertarian dream scape

as for the pokemon, i think it’s clear they can entirely vary in their stage of emotional maturity but they nonetheless have an embodied politics that puts them somewhere - you can see the difference between pichu and pikachu for example. kirby is a liberal puffball.


#18

I don’t know a lot about Kirby but I’m honestly thinking of him right now in comparison to Tony Stark as they are both beings with immense power who have stared down utterly incomprehensible cosmic threats and had to continue living after them.


#19

I THINK POKEMON SHOULD BE ABLE TO VOTE.


#20

see where i differ is that this isn’t about morality and accountability, it’s about embodied politics. it can be inferred from behaviour and desire even if it isn’t explicitly acknowledged and moralised about. mewtwo 100% has a political conviction and it’s mostly utter nihilism