Smash Ultimate Political Compass


rolls sleeves

i saw k rool as more of an agent of chaos, and…

i saw kong as hoarding for the kong kollective, firmly a left wing endeavour. that said, you pulled up that article and i’ve got a lot of time for that reading.

strong disagree, she’s an orphan with a found family of celestial bodies who’s taken on their guardianship. i’d say firm left-anarchist.

this is a common thing with a lot of nintendo characters, you’ve got to buy into the kinda awful noblesse oblige concept of beneficial monarchy, and you see that mostly with the fire emblem characters. in link’s case though, i think you can read an embodied politics into the various links - one being a pirate, the other being a hero’s-quest-cipher, botw link being a blank slate more than anything concerned about freedom and exploration and maybe some gender transgression

this got covered in the thread, i think i just read the description for the original where fox is much more into just liberating people from the Big Bad lol

now this - i’m quoting from my discussion in the discord: the suit is the material instantiation of her alienation and indoctrination into dominant culture. in the suit she’s a cop. out the suit she’s an unashamed woman, who has to fucking survive without the tools of domination strapped onto her. it links straight into the obfuscation of samus being a woman in the first place.

@ClairvoyantVibes so for this i thought more that he’s got very strict normative ideas of justice and authority. leans right i agree on but this was a vibe thing more.


oh sheik being far left is basically just my way of saying ‘fuck gender’. not much more.

side note it’s a thing that highlights how awful poltiical compasses are but oh well we’re here now


They should put Dante from DMC in Smash so we can all argue if he even knows what politics are. Keep in mind he definitely does not know what sex is. Imagine trying to pin a political philosophy on a guy who’s knowledge base is made up entirely of pizza, monster killing, and, oddly enough, Shakespeare.

Oh god imagine if they put in Kazuma Kiryu. That man is a pile of contradictions that make absolutely no sense together.


Kiryu as the 0,0 on this map makes sense to me, fwiw. Majima, on the other hand…


i mean this is kinda why i enjoyed trying to put a position on, say, Charizard or Mega Man or Wii Fit trainer because my reasoning was as flimsy as:

  • Charizard is a might-makes-right dick in the anime who isn’t quite strong enough to back his bluster
  • Mega Man is a techno utopian, get in the bin
  • Wii Fit Trainer just really cares about public health, do you know the benefits if we just got a few minutes of exercise a day


The REAL question is: If that roster leak is real, where does Doom Marine fit in? He clearly an anti-corporatist, but does killing demons mean reinforcing the status quot?


Is Goku a libertarian


Goku spends a lot of Dragon Ball fighting the Red Ribbon Army, who are partially inspired by the Nazis, so I’d say he’s closer to being anti-fa than to being a libertarian.


i’m starting to think that the compass as a metric is a little flawed. does anyone have a political cube we can use?


Goku literally had no idea who any of them were the entire arc and spends his entire adult hood training and trying to get demi-gods to fight him for fun.


So Goku is an apolitical pro athlete?


Joker is confirmed DLC but I don’t see him on this chart. Discuss.


He’s on the back side, sneaking in.


He still beats all of them and protects people from them, even after he’s got the Four Star Dragon Ball back.

Kid Goku is pure and good and I won’t stand for someone slandering him by calling him a libertarian.

Bulma and her family on the other hand are definitely icky, given that they’re the richest people on Earth and never seem to give any of that money away. Also everyone in Dragon Ball are monarchists because King Furry is the king in like everything and there’s never a push to bring in democracy.

Ehhhh, I wouldn’t go that far. His heart’s in the right place, he just likes fighting way too much. And he definitely would be better off if someone could convince him to read a book once in a while.


Joker would be firmly libertarian left but all the fucking shitty people (except Makoto, Sakura and Haru) that he hangs with and never questions drive him more center.



now this is what I call content


I still stand by Donkey Kong being an anarchocapitalist, and my dissertation will delve further into this. Maybe King K. Rool is a… monarcho-primitivist? He’s just a reptile king idfk… What do you guys think the K stands for? I think it either stands for Kevin, Kropotkin, or Kate.

Okay all jokes aside, unironically you 100% convinced me on the Power Armor/Zero Suit Samus distinction and I am 100% in favor of these being the thematic undertones in a future Metroid game. Extremely good and powerful


Everyone… I have cracked the code…

What’s great about this compass is all your faves can have good opinions, and all your least faves can have bad opinions. Depending on your opinion of Jigglypuff it can be a Egoist Anarchist or a reader of Bakunin. No matter what your opinion is validated.


I’m sure we can all agree that Donkey Kong is the type of person who “doesn’t trust the banks,” but is the source of his banana hoard significant?

As the third of his name, we can presume it is intergenrational wealth, accrued either by the original Donkey Kong or DK Junior. However, all the games featuring the two elder Kongs depict them engaged in criminal activity: kidnapping, theft, and jailbreak. This is direct seizure of wealth, not merely criminal enterprise.

So how does Donkey Kong square up his family history of robbing from the rich with the fact that he is now part of the privileged class? He definitely views the banana hoard as rightfully his despite having never worked for it, but does this inconsistency bother him at all?

Add on top of this the role of King K Rool. As crocodiles, bananas cannot provide the kremlings need to survive, yet K Rool consistently targets the Kong’s banana hoard first. This would appear to be a direct statement to DK. Eliminating intergenerational wealth would appear to be a very anarchic action, but we also see how harshly K Rool treats the other kremlings, as one might expect from one who would claim the title of ‘king.’

This conflicted, ‘might makes right’ style anarchy reminds me of the character Tyler Durden from Fight Club, who also tries to eliminate intergenerational wealth, but who’s anarchist theory underlies the intensely authoritarian nature of his organisation. Perhaps none of the major players in this Donkey Kong Country have consistent enough politics to be placed on this graph…