CW: minor drugs stuff and (consensual) sex, I will blur the sex stuff so nobody has to see it by accident
My first roommate in college, which was an art school, was the epitome of the filthy hippie stoner stereotype, and was so stoned at all times that it was almost impossible to hold a conversation with him. He would fall asleep every night with the same dvd of the first season of aqua teen hunger force playing on his laptop, and eventually it would go through all the episodes and just sit at the menu screen looping the same music and sounds until I had to get up and close his laptop. To this day I cannot see or hear aqua teen hunger force without instantly becoming irrationally angry lol.
After a while he got a girlfriend or found a hippie commune or some shit and stopped coming back to the room most days, which was great except for I never knew when he would show up so it was never safe for my girlfriend at the time and I to do anything more than make out, since he had a knack for somehow showing up as soon as the clothes came off. When he did come back, usually because his clothes had gotten too crusty after not changing them for literally a week, he always managed to leave the room in worse shape than when he got there. One time I came back from class to find he had spread dirt all over his half of the room and his windowsill (bear in mind the dorms on our floor were carpeted!) and I had to borrow the janitor’s vacuum to clean it all up. Another time, he came in and suddenly there were fleas jumping off him and onto my bed and clothes. Luckily they left with him.
Another time, he came back to the room specifically to fuck his girlfriend (who was famed around campus as the girl who sold weed that she kept stored inside a giant, hollowed out dildo) and just left the doors open?? So I walked in and had THAT burned into my eyeballs, and so did our neighbor who just wanted to use the bathroom, which was shared between our two adjacent rooms. Finally, he once walked in in the middle of the night when my girlfriend and I were having sex, and just immediately went to sleep without saying anything or giving us time or space to get dressed and uh, extricate… ourselves from each other. So my gf and I just had to do our best to, extricate, under the covers, sleep in the nude without being able to clean ourselves up, and wait for him to leave in the morning. Both of us were shy people and were too embarrassed and mortified by this situation to ask him to leave, but he was such a heavy sleeper (perhaps due to all the weed?) that I doubt we could have woken him up anyway. The next day I find a packet of lube under my pillow, clearly placed there by him. Needless to say I complained to the RA’s about this, but nothing was ever done about it. Luckily he left to live off campus after the first semester and my replacement roommate was actually a really great guy who I’m still friends with now. But damn that guy was a real grade-A dipshit.