Tell Me About Crappy Roommates

  • The roommate that didn’t speak to me for 8 months that I lived in the same house as him (he would literally just pretend I wasn’t there, even if I was standing right there talking to him) and would only communicate with passive aggressive notes on a whiteboard in the kitchen.
  • The roommate that came home one day with two cats despite A) not talking to the other roommates B) me being allergic to cats C) him knowing in two weeks he was going to have to leave on internship for a few months D) one of them was a stray and one of them was abused, both cats that were going to need to dedicate extensive amount of time to and E) that he was working and going to school and couldn’t take care of them.
  • The roommate who was a dipshit college-aged “owner” of a house I was staying at (his parents owned it). Refused to do any repairs to the house (which lead to a lot of water damage, mold buildup, not working appliances, and general damage to the house). Threw house parties unnanounced. Threw house parties during finals. Threw house parties where shit got stolen (so keep your shit in your room basically).
  • The roommate that was a white racist, homophobic PoS that would routinely use the N word and punched holes in the walls because he was hella masculine bro.
  • The roommate that would be all smiles and nice to someone then two months later blow up at them for doing x or not doing y because he didn’t know how to discuss anything in the house that was bothering him in a healthy manner.
  • The roommate that tried to call the cops on me because I wouldn’t let them use the only driveway spot in the townhouse we were at for the winter (the spot was being used by my vehicle that wasn’t working at the time and I was paying extra for the spot)
  • Me, when I had to live with any of the above people. It’s not healthy or moral, but I will be the nightmare roommate right back at them if all other avenues are exhausted.
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cw: gross

Came back to an overflowing, clogged toilet on Christmas after being gone for a few days (Christmas was especially stressful for me also) one year. It had been like that for about 2 days. The bathroom reeked for the rest of the time that I lived there.

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Had a roomie one time who was affable and gregarious and a little wacky in our presence, but then when he was in his room would talk at like an above average volume from his conversational volume (which was already loud) in a way that my then-partner and I could hear from our room immediately adjacent talking sh!t about everyone in the house and the friends we’d bring over and just about any and everything, just absolutely being a cruel contemptuous dick that was like incredulous of why we did literally any little thing that we did, it was horrible he said so many trash things about people I loved very dearly at the time…but he waited until he moved places with the lot of us to start doing this so he like kept it under wraps long enough to get his name on the lease for the new place we all got together.

I confronted him about it twice to my recollection (could’ve been more but I could believe I got sick of it after twice, other roomies also had talks with him that went about the same) where he basically said he has this “other voice” that he doesn’t know he’s speaking with and doesn’t remember anything they say afterwards, like he was compartmentalizing all these feelings so hard he didn’t even want to admit he had them when someone exposed them to him it was so bizarre (at the most charitable view, anyway, I’m of the opinion he knew full well and was just using our radical political stances about mental health issues to nip criticism in the bud).

The most succinct example I can think of of this is when he came home, my partner said something I can’t even remember that was a bit snippy bc she was in a Mood and he just turned on his heel and marched into the kitchen and said REALLY loud, “B!TCH!” and she like chased him in to confront him and he was like “I didn’t say that! I don’t remember that at all!” and it was like maybe the least offensive he’d ever been with that b.s.

He’s now written a book that gets a lot of accolades from Canadian punks that he wrote a huge chunk of while living with us in our crappy run-down slumlord-run punk house…and the worst part is? It’s actually good, which is infuriating bc I want to hate it but it’s amazing.

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My roommate is actually a really nice guy but snores impossibly loud, rarely bathes/brushes his teeth, never does laundry, and leaves his clothes all over the floor.

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CW: minor drugs stuff and (consensual) sex, I will blur the sex stuff so nobody has to see it by accident

My first roommate in college, which was an art school, was the epitome of the filthy hippie stoner stereotype, and was so stoned at all times that it was almost impossible to hold a conversation with him. He would fall asleep every night with the same dvd of the first season of aqua teen hunger force playing on his laptop, and eventually it would go through all the episodes and just sit at the menu screen looping the same music and sounds until I had to get up and close his laptop. To this day I cannot see or hear aqua teen hunger force without instantly becoming irrationally angry lol.

After a while he got a girlfriend or found a hippie commune or some shit and stopped coming back to the room most days, which was great except for I never knew when he would show up so it was never safe for my girlfriend at the time and I to do anything more than make out, since he had a knack for somehow showing up as soon as the clothes came off. When he did come back, usually because his clothes had gotten too crusty after not changing them for literally a week, he always managed to leave the room in worse shape than when he got there. One time I came back from class to find he had spread dirt all over his half of the room and his windowsill (bear in mind the dorms on our floor were carpeted!) and I had to borrow the janitor’s vacuum to clean it all up. Another time, he came in and suddenly there were fleas jumping off him and onto my bed and clothes. Luckily they left with him.

Another time, he came back to the room specifically to fuck his girlfriend (who was famed around campus as the girl who sold weed that she kept stored inside a giant, hollowed out dildo) and just left the doors open?? So I walked in and had THAT burned into my eyeballs, and so did our neighbor who just wanted to use the bathroom, which was shared between our two adjacent rooms. Finally, he once walked in in the middle of the night when my girlfriend and I were having sex, and just immediately went to sleep without saying anything or giving us time or space to get dressed and uh, extricate… ourselves from each other. So my gf and I just had to do our best to, extricate, under the covers, sleep in the nude without being able to clean ourselves up, and wait for him to leave in the morning. Both of us were shy people and were too embarrassed and mortified by this situation to ask him to leave, but he was such a heavy sleeper (perhaps due to all the weed?) that I doubt we could have woken him up anyway. The next day I find a packet of lube under my pillow, clearly placed there by him. Needless to say I complained to the RA’s about this, but nothing was ever done about it. Luckily he left to live off campus after the first semester and my replacement roommate was actually a really great guy who I’m still friends with now. But damn that guy was a real grade-A dipshit.

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Had a roommate who would crack eggs on the counter and then just leave whatever egg spilled out on the counter. Rotten fruit in drawers. Only listened to Jack White. She was the worst. We had rats.

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Jeez, I thought the one roommate that ate my cheese was bad.
And I mean, just straight up ate a block of cheese. Left a small corner with clear teeth marks. I was pretty dang annoyed because I didn’t even get a chance to use any before he ate it all.
That was kind of the cherry on the top of him eating our food.

After we all moved out he talked shit about me and the other roommate to some mutual friends.
Years later I told them my side of the story when they told me what he said.

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Ugh, the boyfriend and I currently live with his best friend from high school, who’s pretty odd. It’s a whole situation and way too much to get into, but here are a few highlights:

  • Gets mad if we leave anything plugged into the wall while we’re not using it and unplugs everything.
  • Insists on leaving the Britta pitcher on the kitchen table at all times, because cold water can “shock your system.” We stopped using it because we wanted cold water, and since then a green scuzz has started growing at the bottom of the pitcher, which she still drinks from and doesn’t clean.
  • Moved everything of ours in the kitchen into one cabinet
  • Claimed half the living room by setting up a crafting/costuming station which she never uses and lined one wall with old liquor boxes full of manga/fabric/etc (she’s also a minor hoarder).
  • Consistently moves anything we leave in the kitchen/living room into our office/bedroom, asking if we “forgot it.”
  • Sets up massive jigsaw puzzles on the kitchen table for weeks at a time, meaning no one can use the table for anything else during that time.
  • Inserts herself into social situations when we have friends over, asking weirdly personal questions to people she doesn’t know and trying to look at their phones (no, I don’t understand this either). At least two of our friends have refused to come back after this.
  • Camps out on the couch watching Netflix approximately 90% of the time she’s not at work. We even got her a small TV and a Roku stick for her room to encourage her to spend more time in there, and we’re not sure if she’s ever used it.
  • Will follow my boyfriend around trying to gossip with him, or just dancing in front of him for attention. This includes blocking doorways and sitting on our bed while we’re obviously trying to do something else.
  • Only washes dishes with water.
  • Leaves tiny portions of food scattered throughout the fridge in tupperwares. This would be fine, except that she’s forgotten about them on multiple occasions, they’ve gone bad, and we’ve had to dig through the refrigerator, examining everything to figure out why the kitchen smells like a trash island.
  • Has helped us clean the apartment exactly once in the three years we’ve been there. Mysteriously disappears on trash day and refuses to take the trash/recycling out. When her trash is full she either puts it in the big kitchen trash, or if that’s full, props the bag against the back door, which only we use.

I honestly do feel bad for her, because she obviously has issues, but three years of this has seriously damaged my ability to sympathize. Happily, she got her first boyfriend a few months ago (this is its own disaster, but I won’t get into that) and they’re starting to look at apartments together, so hopefully she’ll be gone soon! The boyfriend and I both make more than we did when we got the place, so we can afford it by ourselves now, and we can turn her room into exercise space or something.

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It was more like all three of my roomates. We all moved into the duplex at once, I had a mini-fridge for my stuff and only planned to use the kitchen to cook things id buy the ingredients for on the same day. I did not get to do that because they started just dumping half finished bowls of food in the sink, with the drain plugged, where we didn’t have garbage disposal anyways. And they never cleaned it up, I refused to touch it, it was not my mess, I just decided to avoid the kitchen forever. By the time they were forced by the landlord to take care of it, there was a layer of fungus on top of the water in the sink and several dead mice floating in it, the whole place was coated in gnats.

The roomate who lived on the top floor with me, who I shared a shower with, never cleaned his hair out of the drain. I got sick of getting it up myself, I do that shit at work all day I’m not doing it at home too, I thought. I stopped using that shower and used the one downstairs. He just let it get worse and worse. He would let the shower get full while he was in it cuz his hair was cloggin the drain, and then just let it sit. It also had a solid layer of fungus and filth on it and we were forced to bleach and scrape the entire thing to get our security deposit back, he did not help. I stole shit out of that fuckers room constantly. He can eat shit.

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I implore you, PLEASE tell me how old everyone was

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I was 19, one on my floor was 27, two downstairs were 23 and 25. This was a little over a year ago.

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Boy oh boy is this a thread I’ve been waiting forever for.
One of my roommates in college is genuinely one of the worst people I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Here’s an abbreviated list of grievances:

  • Constantly talked about our mutual roommate’s girlfriend and how much better she and him would be together, in front of my other roommate.
  • Talking about money as if it was nothing because his parents paid all his bills. Very much like Lucille Bluth’s “How much could a banana cost? $10?”
  • Getting onto my laptop while I was away to read a script I was writing and then criticizing it in front of all our friends.
  • Generally being an unprofessional jerk to underclassmen during a video shoot we were all doing and then starting a witch hunt when he found out that someone complained to the department heads about him.

These last three are very messed up so I’ll throw some warnings before each one:

CW: non-consensual drinking

This roommate was a big drinker and pot head and kept trying to get me to drink with them. I was 20 and extremely not interested in alcohol or drugs for some private reasons that he ignored leading to many an argument about me “missing out.” This culminated in him handing me drink at a party, telling me it was Pepsi and taking a sip to taste Pepsi and Vodka and I spit it out dumped it in the sink and left. Until the last day that I spoke to him, he maintains he didn’t do anything wrong there.

CW: Manipulating an impaired person

This roommate once hounded two of our female friends at a party to make out with each other while they were both extremely drunk and they did. He then showed them the video the next day which led to one of them crying and begging him to delete it, which he didn’t do.

CW: Suicide

This roommate was dating a woman whose father had just committed suicide. About two weeks later he broke up with her because he “was sick of hearing about her dad.” I still get sick to my stomach sometimes thinking about his cold dismissal of his girlfriend’s pain.

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The things you CWed there are absolutely vile and gross and I hope you never have the misfortune of seeing him ever again.

I literally have nothing else to contribute here but seriously what the fuck. Gross hygiene and poor organization are one thing but social manipulation and outright toxicity are just infuriating.

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Hmm I’ve got a few.

My first three years in college, I lived with people that I really liked and we were all nasty messes together. Our place was a wreck but we were okay.

My senior year, I got stuck in an on-campus apartment sharing a room with a transfer student two years younger than me. I was close with one of the guys in the other room, but the last roommate was barely an acquaintance.

Anyway, my immediate roommate was an annoying at first. He kept weird hours (think sleeping all afternoon and then being up all night), skipped class, didn’t clean, was always high and ate whatever food we actually kept. Tipping point for me was when he took a frisbee of mine without permission and broke the damn thing. Happened to take the only one that had some sentimental value to me. Of course, never apologized, even after I screamed at him. He was also sleeping around a bunch, stringing women along, and generally being a selfish asshole. He’d laugh when I’d tell him he was being a shitty person.

My only friend in the apartment dropped out of school and we got a freshman to move in. Of course, he was by far the most mature person in the room. My immediate roommate turned into an obsessive cleaner. The acquaintance decided it was his turn to be a nasty asshole. The only time he ever did dishes (and he used plenty) was when all three of us dragged him to the sink and made him.

The nastiest story started on a Friday afternoon. Our kitchen smelled especially bad and we finally localized the smell to the sink. Right on cue, the acquaintance walks in. We ask him, “hey do you know why the sink smells like death?” He responds, “Oh yeah, I threw up in the sink last night” and then just walks to his room. We all looked around at each other, dumbstruck that he was being stupid/selfish enough to not clean up after himself. After some gentle encouragement and threats, he finally got to work on the sink.

They also drank my beer and messed up some saves on my 360, which was just the cherry on the shit pie.

That last year was so infuriating that I lived alone until my girlfriend and I moved in together.

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I grew up very Mexican (read: no personal space, lots of people in cramped rooms) and am very used to not having my way of things. People in college, however, tend to come from affluent or spoiled backgrounds and will cry over toilet paper. Anyway, I’ve lived with my fair share of crappy roommates and the worst were white (who swear they’re not racist).

  • Two of my white roommates called the RA to talk to me and other brown roommate to get us to stop saying “white people.” They had racist ass boyfriends too. And would complain when they found black hair strands but nothing about their blond hair filling the shower, of course.
  • The roommate who never showered and smelled. The entire floor told me their sympathies daily. That lasted one quarter.
  • The Russian roomies who would accuse me of stealing anything of theirs when they couldn’t find it - down to their pepper shakers. They would “invite” me to hang out and when I would agree, would question how much money I’m contributing upfront; if I’m expecting to get things for free. (There is much more on them but - ugh - I’ll leave it at that.)
  • The Dutch roomie who told me if I didn’t enjoy her music to go find ‘my peoples’ music
  • (CW: body fluids) Not roomies, but floormates: there was the person who left bloody pads on toilet seats, the one who drew a pentagram from feces onto the shower stalls, and the one who peed on our door from a little feud we had going on.

The thing is though, RAs will do jack shit about any of this, especially the racist ones. Colleges are real haven for them.

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I had one that screamed in the shower. Every shower. And he worked out a lot, so he would shower a lot. And so he screamed a lot.

You think you’d get used to it, but it was never not terrifying.

He also loved ending arguments by storming out of the room and telling you to meditate.

And I came back from class once to find 40 people in our dorm all playing drums. He…invited them.

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I lived that #dormlife for all 5 of my college years, so I’ve got plenty of bad roommate stories.

-My First Bad Roommate was honestly a nice guy, just an absolute terror to live with. He ate other people’s food, let his own food rot in our fridge, let his messes spill onto my side of the room constantly. He never took out the trash despite the fact he made the most of it. One time him and his friends just, hung out in our room till 5 am while I was trying to sleep.

The stand out worst part though, was his morning alarm was the first 5 seconds of Lost Woods theme, played at a million decibels. When my other roommate and I told him to please change it for the love of god, he did. To the first 5 seconds of the Imperial March, also at a million decibels.

-My Second Bad Roommate was one I didn’t have for long, and he was mostly alright honestly, except for three stand out moments that still baffle me to this day. He had a habit of absolutely trashing our bathroom and denying he did it, regardless of how busted he was. My personal favorite is when I found he had used my clippers to give himself a buzz, left his hair all over the place, then denied he did despite his new buzz cut and being the only one in the room with hair that color.

-My Third Bad Roommate is honestly a great guy. Issue is, he was a sound cloud rapper and we had thin walls. Seems like every time I wanted some peace and quiet, he wanted to make music. I couldn’t even ask him to tone it down because he always locked his door and wore sound cancelling headphones

My last roommate is the single worst person I’ve ever met in my entire fucking life.

CW: Racism, Physical Violence, Transphobia, White Nationalism

The worst roommate I ever had was actually a good roommate, but a fuckin horrid person. He was a private in the military who was in my university’s military officer program, while majoring in criminal justice. We didn’t talk much, so it took me a while to realize just how much of a piece of shit he was. What tipped me off was on the night of the Eric Garner trial, he dressed up in his military uniform, and went out to the protests in our city in the hopes of baiting someone into punching him so he could kick the shit out of them then claim self-defense. Later he asked me to read his final paper for a criminal justice class, and it might as well have been a fascist manifesto. In it he made the argument that in our prison system we should incentivize for life inmates and death row inmates to kill each other. With the reasoning that it will result in fewer expenses, only put the inmates in danger, and that the inmates didn’t matter because it’s not like they were REAL PEOPLE.

Got the fuck away from him soon after that. Looked him up recently on Facebook to see what happened to him. His timeline is full of white nationalist rhetoric and the most virulently transphobic memes I’ve ever seen.

Oh and he’s a cop now.

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the final roommate story of the tidy racist is such a perfect encapsulation of the right’s core values

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Oh hell yeah am I here for this. I’m about to graduate college and while I have been blessed with living with my current roommate from sophomore year to senior year, it came at the cost of an absolutely horrid freshman year roommate.

cw: gaslighting, homophobia, and grossness ala used menstrual pads

So I met her at orientation and you know that kind of extrovert who knows how to tell who an introvert is, knows how to talk to them and pull them into bigger friend groups? That’s what she was for me and it ended up being that she was the reason I made most of my friends freshman year, which is why I gave her a lot of slack until I looked back on it all without the rose colored glasses.

Her first big mess up was that she outed me to practically my entire dorm. I told her privately that I was bisexual after we decided to room together because I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t become A Problem. She was fine with it…but she also took that as license to tell EVERYBODY ELSE, apparently. It became obvious when I was referred to as “The Gay One” when there were multiple people in my dorm hall with the same name. Luckily, I go to a very LGBT positive school but I did get some shit comments from some of the guys who I was not comfortable calling out/calling in yet, so I just had to awkwardly laugh off a lot of the ways I was sexualized.

Second thing she did was deny how she was talking to our mutual friends behind my back. I knew she was because they would suddenly know things that I had only told her, and when I tried to ask her about it, I got a whole bunch of pearl-clutching “You’re my ROOMMATE, I wouldn’t DARE!” bs. Those other friends would eventually confirm that she was actively talking shit about me constantly and that I had been right all along, which retroactively messed with me because then I had trust issues for a while and even now hardly believe people who actively want to be my friend.

The third thing is much simpler but pretty gross. She’d leave her used pads pretty much everywhere. I spent more time than I now care to admit throwing them out and finding them on my side of the room.

I’m glad we only had a tiny dorm room when we were together because I saw how messy her larger apartment room got and would not have been able to handle that. She also ended up getting a dog as a therapy animal the next year that she made her new roommate take care of more than she ever did. Because she never trained the dog, the dog was constantly biting and jumping on people and peeing inside. Blessed that I wasn’t dealing with two awful roommates.

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Question: Was your roommate part of some kind of Satanic death cult?

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