There’ll Never Be a Good Transformers Movie, Will There?


#1

I think it’s time to accept it, and move on. Yeah, these ‘bots mattered, once. Now I’ve got to let them go.


This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at https://waypoint.vice.com/en_us/article/therell-never-be-a-good-transformers-movie-will-there

#2

turn More Than Meets The Eye into an animated series imo


#3

Never’s a long time. Maybe when they stop making these shitshows and someone else gets a turn at the wheel.


#4

I don’t know. I don’t think Michael Bay will ever make a good transformers movie. However, I think in this world of perpetual franchise progression and sustainment, where nothing really ends but is just rebooted, we are by all probability going to get a ‘good’ transformers movie eventually. It’s like the infinite monkey theorum - 100 monkeys with a typewriter typing for the rest of time - eventually one of them will write something comparable to Shakespeare. Eventually we will get to the point where there have been so many transformer movies made. that someone will have actually made a one.

DC movies suck at the moment, but they can always reboot it. They will reboot it. Eventually.

Are we counting the original animated movie? Because that was alright wasn’t it?


#5

I have enjoyed all of the Transformers films except for the second one.


#6

I think you can do a good Transformers movie, but they really don’t have to I mean. The movies do absolutely gangbusters. They set records with how much money they make. So as much as I’d like to see the franchise go a way for a bit, then come back with a director who knows how to do good CGI action (or good films in general), they’re not gonna go away for awhile, because they still make a lot of money.

(and I can’t exactly complain about the money they make, given that I’ve seen almost every single one in theaters, and thus am part of the problem…)

ALSO the 86 movie is a cinematic masterpiece that is completely unparalleled. its the citizen kane of toy movies


#7

I think it’s probably more pertinent to accept that the source material is bad as well.
It’s tough to make something great out of mostly garbage.


#8

Yeah, I think this is why I like the movies: My expectations about what a company is going to do with a group of space-faring cars, trucks, and giant guns are spectacularly low.

I also like the Bay-produced TMNT films.


#9

yall they dont have to be good, they opened up the window for me to go seek the rest of the transformers stuff


#10

i think this is on the money, people go to see a film about transforming space-cars and then are disappointed when it’s a film about transforming space-cars

what did you expect?

i had a good time with all the transformers films i have seen

full disclosure: i think sam rami’s spiderman 3 is a beautiful hot mess


#11

I’ve left two of these movies angry at what I had just watched. I don’t have hope for anything Micheal Bay is anywhere near. For me they are all sound and fury, and not much else.


#12

i think my small fondness for bay’s transformers has a large part to do with the propogation of marvel-esque snark throughout a lot of media today, it’s refreshing to look back on movies with such self evidently ridiculous foundations taking themselves SO seriously

remember that time shia labeouf died and went to ROBOT HEAVEN. i think that was probably my favourite dumb thing


#13

Remember the time that a fake Steve Jobs almost destroyed the world with EVIL DATA?!


#14

I don’t remember hating the first two Transformers movies but to be perfectly honest with you I remember basically nothing about them, which says a lot about how cool and memorable they are.

I caught part of the… fourth? movie on TV a couple weeks ago and I was shocked at how actually, legitimately awful it was, just for how extremely out of character Optimus Prime was. I’m arguably not super familiar with original Transformers stuff, but I think I have a pretty good handle on the archetype Optimus typically fills, so to see the fourth movie having him shoot up human laboratories like a terrorist and shout “I’LL KILL THEM ALL” to people in fits of rage is insane. That movie (or all of them, I guess) swings between so many tones (cartoon slapstick, deathly serious military drama, science fiction CGI spectacle, and even occasionally gross-out horror) that it’s disorienting to the point of nausea. Hearing a lime-green robot say “You’ve gotta die, bitch.” is hard to comprehend.

I mean, Optimus Prime straight kills a person in one of these. A person that, in the context of the movie, isn’t even necessarily evil, just misguided.

On the flip side, while recounting the fourth Transformers movie to a friend, I discovered the best way to watch these movies is to just look up all the fight scenes on Youtube. The plots are thin enough that it takes basically zero effort to figure out what’s going on, and the fights are where they spend all their effort anyway. (The above video spoils the final fight of the most recent one, if there’s anyone on this planet that cares about spoilers for these things)

I think enough people still care about classic Transformers and hold a grudge against Michael Bay’s movies that whenever he eventually moves on somebody will probably pick up the mantle and probably try to do things “the right way.”


#15

Eh, the source material is pretty bad in a fun 80s cartoon way, but a lot of great stuff HAS come out of it.The IDW comics from recent years (Last Stand of the Wreckers, More than Meets the Eye, etc) are all stellar and probably some of the best sci-fi comics ever, and both Transformers Prime and Transformers Animated are pretty good cartoons. So saying that the Transformers IP is just inherently bad, and always will be rings pretty false, and besides, it’s more fun to try and think of how to make something good, rather than just say that said thing being good is impossible.


#16

FWIW I like a lot of the IDW stuff. Not talking about the whole brand - as I say, I think the latest animated stuff is fun! But the movies, fuck me.


#17

Optimus Prime straight-up kills people throughout these movies. I think it’s the third one where he yells “freedom!” as he does it.


#18

It’s funny. I actually did enjoy Bay’s TMNT when I watched it on Netflix for the reason you mentioned: low expectations. The turtles did some ninjaing and a building fell over. Good enough.

What killed me with the Transformer movies was the length and the pacing just bored the hell out of me. I think if you could cut an hour out of those movies I could at least enjoy them.


#19

I really don’t like the Bay Transformer movies, but I did have a fun time at the first one on account of how stupid the story could be.

I especially like the part where they decided they had to get the magic MacGuffin away from Megatron and to safety, so they left a fortified mountain base and drove to downtown LA where they set off flares for some reason?

Also, the part where the army man decided that Decepticons weak points were under their legs, so he drove a motorcycle underneath one and shot it in the crotch, then took credit for killing it even though it was also being lit up by jets. Like, what the hell was that about?

But yeah, nothing will ever top the first 20 minutes of the 1986 movie.


#20

They’re bonkers, I know exactly what I’m signing up for when I buy a ticket. What other franchise has gone from Shia to Mark Whalberg?