Hi, I’ve been trying to mostly recuse myself from either posting or moderating this thread but as someone who is a close friend of a few of the people directly affected by this and who has been affected by this whole discussion by being an harassment/assault survivor myself - vagueblogging is all a lot of us had at the time. I’ve known about this for a very long time. I didn’t quite know the full scope of it until this week and that portion of that coming to light has been even more upsetting due to my background with these sorts of things, but trust me a lot of people “vagueblogging” about this were either party to this in some capacity as it happened or have been spinning their wheels for a long time trying to both respect our friends wishes but also help them get this to light. You have no idea how complicated it is to call out a well beloved, “progressive” figure for something that’s extremely hard to prove and shouldn’t have to be proven to every single person out there who wants to be convinced.
You have no idea what some of us were asked. Every time you saw vagueblogging, it was often a steam valve for those of us who had to deal with seeing someone so well liked for being “a good boy” who we knew secretly was hurting people.
As far as the idea of “can you live with yourself” that @Wazanator mentioned - I have lived through that. Except it was someone I tried to report to the authorities and this person’s colleagues. No one listened to me.
Give me a perfect scenario where this is supposed to work and I’ll tell you that it often doesn’t at all. The issue with making statements like about “what you should do” is a lot of people here are lacking the knowledge of what it is like to deal with creeps/repeat offenders/abusers of any stripes. They trade in good will and covering their tracks. They hide what they are doing because they know it’s wrong but they don’t care. They pick victims that are already marginalized and separate them from their support networks by making them feel like shit. They make them feel like it was their fault. They build up cred to damage them trying to come forward.
The fact that I had no idea of the full scope of this behavior myself shows what a huge issue this was. Speaking in perfect statements about what should happen falls apart when you’re not recognizing how we don’t live in a culture that supports or believes victims, but rather generates a 1000 people like Nick and normalizes that behavior.